Kathryn is a massage therapist and is undergoing study in Counselling. We chat to Kathryn about the challenging path that led her to leave her arts industry career behind and instead immerse herself in natural therapies.
What does your Saturn return mean to you?
It means death and rebirth. Taking responsibility for myself and my shit.
Was there a pivotal moment for you, where Saturn told you to buck the fuck up?
No distinct pivotal moment, it's more like a constant onslaught of "What the actual fuck? Can I take any more of this?!". It's still going and I must bow down and fucking listen. More recently I have begun to realise that any old tricks of mine that worked before probably, no definitely, won't work any more.
Are there any special guests in your life that have influenced your trajectory?
Mainly myself. I guess that's a big lesson on Saturn - to own my life's direction. So realising that has been a major influence. I've made all my choices.
There's also been a couple of amazing women who have been major teachers and great guidance to me over the last few years. Speaking to people who have come out the other side of Saturn has been invaluable, but still hasn't stopped me from making major mistakes.
What were some of your main lessons?
They're still coming hard and fast and I don't expect them to stop for a while yet! I have made some of the biggest mistakes of my life, hurt people and made some totally shit choices and have had to live with the consequences. I guess the main lesson is from all of that is that I am 100% responsible for every thing that happens in my life, all of my emotions and my shitty dark side. Instead of shunning that side of myself I try to (not always successfully) face it, own it and integrate it. Every action and choice I make has a ripple effect. I always have a choice to go up or down.
I have learnt that I can't control other people or something events in my life, but I can control my responses to them. I also know that the hardest lessons usually push me in the right direction.
Where have you come from and where do you plan to go?
I've had a pretty classic Saturn Return in the form of a major career change. I've come from work as a performer and in the arts industry to going back to study natural therapies when I was 27. I now work as a Massage Therapist and Reiki practitioner. I'm about to finish a Diploma in Kinesiology and Mind Body Medicine and will soon start my Masters in Counselling. I want to combine conventional talking therapy and counselling with working directly with the body.
My Saturn crisis definitely influenced these choices and change of path by making me question absolutely everything about myself and what I really want.
Have you experienced any setbacks in what you've wanted to achieve in the last few years?
I've been through the dark night of the soul trying to work out what I need to do. It was a very difficult time, as I resist change, a lot of people do, but then once you submit to it, you go, oh, actually I should just do that, and then it flows. I'd just finished a job in Sydney which I had a horrible experience with, and thank god, because if I had a great experience I might still be trying to do that. Then after that I applied for other jobs and didn't get them and I was like, oh no, self-esteem, and identity, wrapped up in that, but thank god I didn't get those jobs because it really wasn't me and I don't like doing those things. So those setbacks are actually lessons and blessings because it sets you on the path you're suppose to be on.
Setbacks, or rather difficulties, have included moving between three different states on five different occasions since 2012, attempting to maintain a long distance relationship, major career change, trying to study and be able to eat and pay rent at the same time, going through a large period of depression and anxiety, getting in the way of my own progression, death in all the forms. I have realised that there is quite often total destruction before there is creation or 'achievement'. But I don't know if that always has to be the case or if I'm just into self-sabotage.
What would you do if you had 1 hour to do whatever you wanted?
I quite often have one hour to do whatever I want. So, I treat myself, have a massage, read, Pinterest. I'm quite good at doing nothing. I'm certainly not someone who has to be intensely occupied all the time. It stresses me the fuck out.
Where do you go to have a massage?
I often just go when I want them immediately, so I do love a Vigorous Thai. My housemate Stacy gives a bloody good one too.
What's your favourite part of the work that you do?
Facilitating people to expand their experience and understanding of themselves. And seeing them make these realisations on their own.
Photography by Julia Petricevic & Simone Ruggiero
Words by Kathryn Delaney
Pictures taken in Brunswick East, Melbourne